http://paulcholinger.com News, advice, and tips from parenting mentor Paul C. Holinger, M.D. en-us Paul C. Holinger, M.D. Copyright 2011 2011-10-07T19:51:51+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-october-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-october-2011#When:20:51:51Z Parents: What Do You Feel? Dealing with young children can stir up such intense feelings. What feelings get triggered in us as parents?  Where do they come from?  How do we deal with them?  What feelings do toddlers in particular stir up? Newsletter Archives 2011-10-07T20:51:51+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-september-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-september-2011#When:19:20:45Z "Darwin argues that our expressions of emotion are universal (that is, innate, not learned) and the product of our evolution. Neither our expressions nor our emotions are unique to human beings; other animals have some of the same emotions, and some of the expressions shown by animals resemble our own." Paul Ekman in his introduction to the Third Edition (1998) of Charles Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals ( 1872) . Newsletter Archives 2011-09-19T19:20:45+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/the-revolution-feelings-language-and-knowledge http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/the-revolution-feelings-language-and-knowledge#When:18:48:17Z There is a revolution occurring in infant and child development.  Three issues have converged recently to help us understand much better the world of early childhood and how we can help our children get off to a good start in life. Child and Infant Development 2011-08-14T18:48:17+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-jaugust-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-jaugust-2011#When:18:26:36Z If feelings are so important — they do cause behaviors, after all — what are feelings? How do they work? Newsletter Archives 2011-08-14T18:26:36+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-july-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-july-2011#When:18:40:41Z There is a revolution occurring in infant and child development.  Three issues have converged recently to help us understand much better the world of early childhood and how we can help our children get off to a good start in life. Newsletter Archives 2011-07-11T18:40:41+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-june-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-june-2011#When:19:27:36Z In the May Newsletter, we discussed the benefit of listening to our children, especially to their feelings. Let's focus now on how useful it can be to discover what our children are interested in. Newsletter Archives 2011-06-28T19:27:36+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/turning-things-upside-down-and-inside-out1 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/turning-things-upside-down-and-inside-out1#When:21:36:25Z "As soon as I could talk, I was ordered to listen" - Cat Stevens Sometimes turning things on their heads - turning things upside down - allows us to see issues differently and make important changes. Such is the case with two areas in child development. The question at stake involves the importance of learning about the inner world of the child. 2011-06-21T21:36:25+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/Dr-Paul-Holingers-Parenting-Place-Newsletter-May-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/Dr-Paul-Holingers-Parenting-Place-Newsletter-May-2011#When:19:12:06Z During infancy, the baby communicates through facial expressions and gestures and sounds. These signals are called feelings ― interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust (reaction to toxic tastes), and dissmell (reaction to toxic odors). Newsletter Archives 2011-05-17T19:12:06+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/should-you-scold-a-sister-who-spanks http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/should-you-scold-a-sister-who-spanks#When:20:37:28Z Dr. Holinger contributes advice in Heidi Stevens' column The Parent 'Hood in the Family section of The Chicago Tribune. Publications 2011-05-09T20:37:28+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/kids-parents-and-video-games http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/kids-parents-and-video-games#When:15:52:05Z Video games stir up more controversy between kids and parents than almost anything else. Kids love 'em - and parents, well, at best have mixed feelings about them. There is a terrific recent book which addresses many of the issues surrounding video games.  The title is Video Game Play and Addiction: A Guide for Parents (iUniverse, 2008).  It was written by Kourosh Dini, MD. Parenting 2011-05-03T15:52:05+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/hinsdalean-ask-an-expert http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/hinsdalean-ask-an-expert#When:15:21:13Z Why should parents listen to their children more? Interviews, Publications 2011-04-28T15:21:13+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-letter-to-the-nytimes-editor-april-7th-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-letter-to-the-nytimes-editor-april-7th-2011#When:16:59:42Z Dr. Paul Holinger responds to an article on corporal punishment in American schools in the NYTimes: "Schools Under Pressure to Spare the Rod Forever" Publications 2011-04-11T16:59:42+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-april-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsletter-april-2011#When:20:54:35Z Sometimes turning things on their heads — turning things upside down — allows us to see issues differently and make important changes. Newsletter Archives 2011-04-07T20:54:35+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/two-great-sources-for-ideas-about-infant-and-child-development-and-parentin http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/two-great-sources-for-ideas-about-infant-and-child-development-and-parentin#When:19:07:15Z I would suggest there is nothing more important to the preservation and advancement of human beings than understanding infant and child development. Recently I ran across the work of two esteemed child analysts and fellow members of the American Psychoanalytic Association, who are sharing their wonderful ideas about parenting.  Kerry Kelly Novick is an author and child, adolescent and adult psychoanalyst from Ann Arbor, Michigan and Don Rosenblitt is the Clinical and Executive Director of the Lucy Daniels Center for Early Childhood in Cary, North Carolina. Parenting 2011-03-29T19:07:15+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsleter-march-2011 http://paulcholinger.com/news-and-events/dr-paul-holingers-parenting-place-newsleter-march-2011#When:03:51:25Z Why do we still spank children? The usual answer is to get them to do what we think is best for them - i.e., to obtain behavioral compliance. And, yet, the answer is much more complicated... Newsletter Archives 2011-03-01T03:51:25+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/toddlers-language-and-the-power-of-translation http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/toddlers-language-and-the-power-of-translation#When:23:02:03Z There are many dictionary definitions of the word translation: to change from one state or form to another; to turn into another language; to transfer from one language into another. The synonyms are interesting too. They include: transfer; transform; paraphrase; explain; convert. Most or all of these relate to the process we are considering: the back and forth translation between feelings and words. 2011-02-28T23:02:03+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/toddlers-part-ii-translating-from-words-back-to-feelings http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/toddlers-part-ii-translating-from-words-back-to-feelings#When:22:58:56Z "But in fact language is a double-edged sword... It drives a wedge between two simultaneous forms of interpersonal experience: as it is lived and as it is verbally represented... Language, then, causes a split in the experience of the self" — Daniel Stern, 1985 2011-02-28T22:58:56+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/toddlers-part-i-try-translating-their-words-back-into-feelings http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/toddlers-part-i-try-translating-their-words-back-into-feelings#When:22:54:52Z "Through his powers of intellect, articulate language has been evolved; and on this his wonderful advancement has mainly depended" — Charles Darwin, 1874 2011-02-28T22:54:52+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/after-your-child-talks-speaking-the-words http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/after-your-child-talks-speaking-the-words#When:22:48:24Z Between about 1 and 3 years, children change how they give life to their feelings. The facial expressions they used so actively as infants, while still there, are joined by early words. These words are very often primitive, raw and intense: Hate, no like, me, want, go away, shut up. 2011-02-28T22:48:24+00:00 http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and-advice/before-your-child-talks-part-ii-putting-words-to-feelings http://paulcholinger.com/issues-and_advice/before-your-child-talks-part-ii-putting-words-to-feelings#When:21:34:25Z The key with the preverbal child is talking, using lots of words, and translating feelings into words. As we have explained previously, preverbal babies and infants use nine signals to express their needs, fears, feelings and desires. These signals (excitement, joy, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust and dissmell) are communicated through facial expressions, vocalizations and gesture. Parents can help young children become aware of their feelings (and feel that the parents "get them") by using the words for the nine signals whenever an opportunity presents itself. "You are excited about that glitter make-up!" "You felt a lot of fear when the dog ran up so fast." "You were angry when I said no more cookies before dinner." 2011-02-28T21:34:25+00:00